Chicago Bears
The Chicago Bears are the official football team to represent Bears. Therefore they are evil and any victories accomplished by this team is only done by mauling the oppossing team or stealing the other team's picnic baskets before the game to make them too hungry to play well. History The Chicago Bears have been the arch-enemies of the Green Bay Packers since 1938, when the Packers took a bear and packed its meat in brown paper and gave it to the Chicago Bears to eat. That was the year the Communist Liberal FDR ruled America, and the Packers had to stand up for freedom and truthiness through football. Since then, the Packers have repeatedly beaten the bears, and are still better than them. The Saddest Year Ever The last time the Chicago Bears did any good was 1985, and Reagan was president. Satan could not stand such a man of God in power and tried to use the power of football to stop him. That year in the Super Bowl, the Bears were somehow able to beat the Patriots. You would think this event would have led to the Apocalypse, but the Bears got so excited about the win that they temporarily forgot about their world conquest plans and instead put all their resources into recording the Super Bowl Shuffle. Listening to this song too much can give you Herpes, but many people accepted this over being the slaves of Bears. Now that Bush is in office, Satan is once again gathering his forces in hell for a final attack on our moral standards. This would not have happened if Commie liberals didn't degrade our country into the moral sewer it is today. Fortunately, the Chicago Bears were demolished by the Miami Dolphins on November 5th, 2006. However, they would later recover from several regular season defeats to make Super Bowl XLI, where the fate of the world was at stake. Yet, as the Bears are under the leadership of one of the worst football players ever, Rex Grossman, they were handily defeated by the Indianapolis Colts, partially in thanks to God weeping all over the field throughout the game. Clearly, the Colts had Stephen on their side, making the bears obsolete. Fans of the Chicago Bears suffer frequent heart attacks. More proof that bears are godless killing machines. Teams That Beat the Bears During the 2006 football season, the Miami Dolphins, New York Giants, New England Patriots and Green Bay Packers all helped defend freedom by defeating the Bears in regular-season play. The ultimate demise of the Bears came in Super Bowl XLI at the hands of the Colts. The worthless Lions were robbed of a game winning touchdown because the Bears paid off the officials to try and make themselves feel better that the game with the Lions was so close. In Conclusion It takes great skill and courage to defeat bears, especially Chicago Bears even though they are comunist. They are extremely dangerous and should only be confronted by those with superior strength and ability. Case in point: Brett Favre, the heroic Packer quarterback, successfully dominated the Bears every season. It is sad to see such a great American retire (ie. actually give other teams a chance to win).